lunes, 14 de septiembre de 2015

Neglected Thoughts #1

I look up, and I see myself thousands of years into the past. This thought produces in me a soothing effect. This thought helped me throughout my spaces of suicidal thoughts. To be a part, perhaps not a fundamental part of the universe, perhaps the universe can live through without me, and it most likely will continue on without me, but just to be a part, to be connected to the universe itself, is really mindblowing. I feel connected to every part of it, even the darkest bits, in the great vastness of the Universe.

It's a feel of connectivity, the feel that we are special to something that we long for. We made up religion to make us feel this way, science has induced us into a deep existential crisis from which we have yet to get out. But, science has brought us another kind of connection, the one with the universe, the one with every single thing in our small spec of pale blue light, the kinship we have to our own cosmic home, Earth. The trees are our cousins, and so is the ground we are standing on, the homeless man who is passing right next to you might be your long lost uncle, the one you never knew, but you're still related to. We are no more special than the ground we step upon, we are all one organism. We have kinship to the Moon, the Sun which makes us feel alive is our long lost father, our cosmic Father if you may. 

Why must we kill each other? Why must we appeal to our extreme chauvinism or blinding nationalism? It is difficult to see the imaginary borders which divide our species from space. Once I opened my wings to this thought, I flew into the infinite and left behind what the common sense dictated. I flew out and have never looked back since. The sense of liberation is overwhelming, but when I think about it, so is the feeling of loneliness. You see, I left the majority, I left my mind. I'm currently in a trip of self finding, but I have nobody to speak to, nobody understands, and deep inside, no one cares.

But why must they understand me, when I can't even understand it myself? I'm not angry that no one understands me, I'm angry that I never really understood myself, and there are people that will die, never knowing of their special talents, just living to pass on genes, without having an inner exploration of oneself. There is no personal freedom in capitalism, there's only money, and only money is seen as an individual.

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